Nancy was an avid gardener, and one of her greatest joys was harvesting the yield of her spring garden. This is one of the happiest moments of her captured on film, and stands as an example of how much she loved life.
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We were shocked to hear the news about Nancy. I could not do anything after I read Barrie’s mail. My wife Renjini could not do her normal work on the day. Even when I write this mail, I have not been completely recovered from the shock and my worries about Barrie.
I met Nancy and Barrie, some twenty years ago, at the entrance of the library building of the Centre for Development Studies, in Kerala. Both of them were to do their research in Kerala when I met them. That was the beginning of their association with the Loyola College of Social Sciences in Kerala to which I was then associated with. I remember Nancy giving us an interesting session on research methodology. Since then my friendship with them continued, through letters, greeting cards and emails, though they were sporadic. In 1997, Barrie invited me to the UBC to participate in a workshop on Cooperative Management of Water Resources in South Asia, held at the Institute of Asian Research. That time, I had the taste of Nancy’s hospitality, at their homes in Vancouver and on the Pender Island. Nancy seemed to me a very quite person. She was very sensitive to the needs of her host. Later, in 2002, before I moved to South Africa, I visited them with my family. My son Dakshin was only 5 years then. I remember Nancy making an egg in a special vessel, to coax him to eat. She knew that children like food in funny shapes. Yes it worked with Dakshin. During our stay Nancy and Barrie took us around on the Pender Island and to their home in Vancouver where they accommodated us in their main bed room, preferring to sleep themselves in the small living room. She was very kind, gentle and nice. We thought that Nancy and Barrie would visit us in South Africa, for us to enjoy their presence and warmth. But Nancy has left. We wish and pray for her peace in the Heaven, and for great strength to Barrie to overcome this reality.
Sooryamoorthy, Renjini and Dakshin
Sisters are exceedingly important people and everyone deserves a sister as wonderful as mine. Nancy was the elder of the two Waxler girls by three years, and for much of my childhood I was greeted with ‘oh, you must be Nancy’s sister’, a phrase that implied a lot of expectations in terms of character, performance, and behavior. In contrast to what you might be thinking, I was always thrilled by this comment since I admired Nancy enormously and wanted to be just like her. And, for a long time I looked a lot like her. In those days, younger children inherited their modest wardrobes (including shoes) from their older siblings. I looked forward to the next thing to be passed my way until Nancy’s size 14 dresses overwhelmed my size 8 frame and even our mother decided the practice had to stop.
Throughout our lives, from childhood to February 13, 2007, Nancy was always ready to support, advise, help, and bail me out of any scrapes I managed to get myself in. She was ready to help care for a new baby, put up the Christmas tree at the last minute, take her niece Leslie and nephew Chris on a holiday or a adventure, and foot all of the bills if necessary with the flash of a credit card. She influenced Leslie’s and Chris’s upbringing enormously, often by visiting the Harvard Coop bookstore to buy and send us the latest children’s books, which we read immediately with pleasure. I will never forget a non-stop venture through the 300 page volume of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with me reading the whole thing out loud in one weekend. At the end we called Nancy to tell what we had done and she laughed for a long time and wished she had been there.
When Nancy met Barrie, she was the happiest person I have ever known. Her life changed but not in terms of concern for and sharing with me and my children. We enjoyed some wonderful family Christmas celebrations, the most notable one being in London when we all were committed to meeting 7 year old Quincy’s request to see a princess (couldn’t find one), a castle (substituted Buckingham Palace), and Madame Tussaud’s Waxworks (jackpot). Nancy and Barrie shared their love of Sri Lanka by giving me the ultimate three week tour which they guided personally, and shared a week with me in Bellagio, Italy. It was clear that Nancy very much wanted me to enjoy all of the things she loved, including importantly her Pender Island tomatoes and sweet corn.
I have often told my friends that Nancy and Barrie had the ‘marriage of the century”, being completely devoted to and excited by each other. This was of course catalyzed by many common intellectual and academic interests but it was much more than that, consisting of some intangibles that are hard to define. They even looked alike! I was always delighted to be met by them at some airport or another, watching for me with enthusiasm; it was easy to spot them wearing matched smiles, white hair, with heads just a little above the crowd.
Nancy died doing things she loved, exploring life and the world just a little bit further. I cared for her enormously and am incredibly fortunate to have had a sister who cared in return and shared with me her entire life.
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